Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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