my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
