Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
