Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
A bitchslap is in order.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
