Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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