He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
