ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
