I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
