3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
