My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hippo gnu deer
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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