You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
