"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We left the knife in your bed.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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