so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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