Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize