she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
