i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
