he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
