Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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