he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize