I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
