all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize