Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
