4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
