dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
What a dumb baby whore.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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