It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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