Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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