He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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