my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
