ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize