I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
