i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
