we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
