I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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