my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
