Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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