Umm I'm too high to move.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
