Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
