New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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