Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
