you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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