i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
