i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
ttyl tear gas
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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