can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
