I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
