on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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