I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
