In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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