So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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