We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh god it's open bar.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize