Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
