if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
