My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
