In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
