I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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