"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
