i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
