This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
