oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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