I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
