Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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