Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize