I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well I just put wine in my tea
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
