i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
