So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
