I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
