..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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