I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
