conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
