Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
