No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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