I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
