She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
