I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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