i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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