Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
