FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
