You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
