and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
