I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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