im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
