I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
