Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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