i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
ttyl tear gas
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
