The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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