I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
