Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
