I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
