im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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