I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
