dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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