I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
