He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
